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“
I've got a story, why don't you choke on my balls?
”
Gilfoyle, "Signaling Risk".


Throughout the series, Gilfoyle has run-ins with Dinesh that usually lead to an exchange of insults. The format is that Dinesh says something, to which Gilfoyle uses what Dinesh says to insult him. While most roasts revolve around Dinesh, a few involve other characters in the show. This running gag's first occurrence was in the Season One episode "Signaling Risk".


Occurrences


How long do we think each one will take?

Jared


I don't know. Who cares? Four hours apiece?

–Dinesh


Yeah. Maybe for you. Each of those tasks would take me three max.

–Gilfoyle


Not "tasks," "stories."

–Jared


I've got a story, why don't you choke on my balls?

–Gilfoyle, Signaling Risk.


So we're just going to work at a nice, leisurely pace, right?

–Dinesh


Sure.

–Gilfoyle


Wait, why are you typing faster?

–Dinesh


I'm not.

–Gilfoyle


Maybe my leisurely pace is just a little faster than yours.

–Gilfoyle, Signaling Risk.


I have thought about it. A lot. To be honest, elements of this arrangement still trouble me. However, I have not had a lot of sexual experiences. So I feel it may be foolish to turn this down. So as long as Gilfoyle is not in the room and I can verify that the door is locked... then I have concluded that... yes... I would love to have sexual relations with you...

–Dinesh


Uh, what are you talking about?

Tara


Gilfoyle told me. I know you want to have sex with me.

–Dinesh


Gilfoyle? Would you come in here for a second?

–Tara


Hm?

–Gilfoyle


Did you tell Dinesh that I want to have sex with him?

–Tara


No. Oh wait, yeah, I totally did. I forgot about that. I was really high. I was just fucking with him. Did he believe me?

–Gilfoyle


Uh...

–Dinesh


Did you just present yourself to my woman?

–Gilfoyle


Uh...

–Dinesh, Third Party Insourcing


So what's the deal? I mean, is she hot?

Richard


Yeah, I mean, she's attractive, but almost every woman is attractive. It was her mind. She wrote this Java method that was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. Elegant, tight. There's just something so hot about a woman that can code like that. You know, I just want to... crawl in her frontal lobe and... what's up?

–Dinesh


You know I wrote that code, right?

–Gilfoyle


No, this code was on her system.

–Dinesh


A banged up 15-inch MacBook Pro with shitty stickers on it?

–Gilfoyle


Everyone here has a beat up 15-inch MacBook Pro...

–Dinesh


With a 1.3 chip and only two gigs of RAM?

–Gilfoyle


No, this code was on her system.

–Dinesh


She doesn't know Java. I wrote that code. You said you were in love with her mind.

–Gilfoyle


Oh fuck.

–Dinesh


You realize what's going on, right?

–Gilfoyle


Uh...

–Dinesh


It's not her you're sexually attracted to, it's my code.

–Gilfoyle


Shut the... That is the most disgusting fucking thing I've ever h...

–Dinesh


Just face it, Dinesh, you're gay for my code, you're code gay.

–Gilfoyle


No! No, I'm into her. Her, OK? fuck your code!

–Dinesh


You'd like to fuck my code, wouldn't you? Hey, would you like to masturbate to the subroutine I just wrote?

–Gilfoyle


No! It's... I'm... I'm...

–Dinesh, Proof of Concept

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